Warning: This article asks more questions than it answers!
It’s that time of the year again – the dust from the festive season has settled, life is returning to its routine rhythm, and it is time to reflect upon the year that has just passed and set the pace for the year that is to come…
Yes, it is goal-setting time!
Most of us are broadly familiar with some version of the goal setting process:
· write it down
· make it specific, measurable and relevant to you
· set a time frame for achieving it, and
· have some mini-goals or milestones along the way to measure progress.
How many of us have a goal and think: “Once I achieve that goal [finish renovating the house/buy a new car/finish my degree/win that competition], then I will be happy/more confident/more content/[insert whatever other description is relevant to you]”?
It can be extremely satisfying when you do achieve a goal, but how long does the satisfaction last? And what comes next? And did you in fact become happier/more confident/more content etc as a result of achieving that goal?
What if you set out to achieve a goal, but didn’t quite get there – what if you aimed for a high distinction, but got a credit or distinction; what if you sat for the test but failed the first time; what if it took twice or three times longer; what if you set out to win the competition, but instead you came second or third? Does that mean you failed? Was it all a waste of effort?
What if you do not achieve your goal within your set time frame or… ever. Does that mean you will never be happy/confident/whatever? How do we find meaning and fulfilment along the way?
The answer lies not in the end goal, but in the journey; not in the end result, but in the process; not in the outcome, but in the “why” and “who” that drives towards that desired outcome.
Think about the reasons why you set that goal in the first place. Try and uncover what is truly important to you deep down inside – to identify the values that achieving this goal is in the service of.
If goals are like destinations or milestones on the way to a destination, values are like the compass that guides you in the right direction. Goals are finite, whereas values are ongoing, ever-present qualities and ways of behaving and being. Goals can be clinical and systematic, whereas values go to the heart’s and spirit’s true desires.
For example, if you goal is to go to the gym a certain number of times per week, on deep reflection you might uncover that the value guiding this goal is to take care of yourself. If your goal is to buy a nice big house, the values guiding you to achieve that goal could be to take care of and provide for your family. If your goal is to win a competition or tournament, the guiding value might be to pursue mastery of your chosen sport (more on the topic of mastery in a future musing).
Values are about the journey – who do you want to be on the way to achieving your goal; what kinds of strengths and qualities do you want to exhibit or cultivate; how do you want to behave towards others; what spirit do you want to show? These are ways you can be or behave regardless of whether you achieve your goal. These are ways you can choose to live by daily, thus enriching and bringing meaning to your life and your journey towards your goal.
For example, you can choose to be a kind, supportive, hard working teammate or colleague each day, irrespective of where you are on your journey towards your goal to getting a new job. You do not have to wait until after you achieve your goal of winning a competition to live by the value of constantly striving to improve your craft. In this way, the journey becomes meaningful, and the end result (the new job, the trophy, the new car) can be a bonus.
Remembering also, that we can control who we are, how we behave and how we are towards others, but we cannot control what others will do or how the circumstances will turn out. You can control your own intent going into the journey, but you cannot control the outcome.
In summary, goals are important, but what is more important is for us to be fully present in the process and conscious of the values that guide us on our journey – this is how we find meaning and fulfilment even if we fall short of achieving a coveted goal.
Yours in the pursuit of Genki,
Eva