As working parents we often fall int the trap of thinking that every minute we spend should be dedicated to our families or work. We think that the harder we work, the better it is for our family. Often we feel guilty taking time for ourselves for fear of how that will impact the family.
Although attitudes are slowly changing, our society still glorifies fast-paced lifestyles and work to the brink of burnout.
Working hard has long been seen as a sign and marker that you are looking after your family. It is not to say that people should not work hard, good things take effort and dedication.
What I am talking about is the guilt that parents often feel when they take time for themselves – guilty for not being at work and producing, guilty again for not being with the family. Doomed either way. I have experienced this guilt many times over.
So what is the solution? There is no one simple way to answer this as everyone’s circumstances are different. What I do know is that when I take time to do things that I enjoy (whether it be exercise, reading a book or going for a swim at the beach), that makes me a better person to be around and ultimately makes me more available for my family and for my work.
Here are my thoughts:
Ask yourself – how am I turning up? How am I tuning up at work? At home? With my friends? Am I at my best and most energised? Is my mind clear? Am I fully present in what is happening in the moment? Or am I calculating and computing a number of other places and situations past or future?
Regularly taking time for yourself is vital – to exercise, meditate, take an art class, go for a quiet walk, take a long shower or bath, read a book, go for a surf, or whatever gives you a break. Treat it as healing and restorative thing – you need to regularly recharge yourself just as you would recharge your electronic devices.
Enlist the support of your children and spouse to help you take that time for yourself. When you show self-care and self-love by making time for yourself, your spouse and children will value you more. It will also set an example to them to show the same self-love and care to themselves.
Recognise that as a working parent those guilt gremlins will always be in your head, in your ear. When you hear them talking their gremlin guilt talk, pause, acknowledge them ‘here are the guilt gremlins again’, or ‘here is guilt gremlin radio playing’, and let them talk their talk. Eventually they may disappear. Or they might not. Regardless of what happens, it is important not to fight them or argue with them, as this will only give them fuel and this will sap you of your energy. Instead, acknowledge their presence and say ‘thank you gremlins, but I now have an important appointment with myself’ then move on to do what you need to do to get that precious ‘me’ time.
Investing in your well-being is investing in the well-being of your family. When you are well, you will turn up well and able for your work and for your family. Remember, you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you can help someone else.
The guilt gremlins might not be silenced, but if you know what is important you will take action accordingly despite the gremlins.
In summary, only when you are at your best are you able to give your best to your family and work. Therefore the time you spend caring for yourself and recharging is an investment into a better family life and a better performance at work.