Most of us can relate to the relentless stream of stresses and responsibilities of life: work, appointments, looking after children, caring for elderly parents, community work, trying to maintain friendships, and the list goes on.
Often, as we change between tasks and roles, we bring the worries of the previous events with us and let this affect our performance and experience of life. Sometimes it seems that one thing just blurs into the others. Who wouldn’t relate to taking their frustration out on our family when we have had a terrible day at work? Or taking it out on a direct report after we have had a difficult conversation with our manager or with a customer?
At the start of every Karate class we have a short but very meaningful ritual:
We bow to each other and the instructor says “Keiko hajimasu” (Training has started) and pay respect to the founder of our Karate style.
We kneel and close our eyes for a short meditation. We open our eyes and begin our Karate practice.
This short ritual for me signals the transition from the outside world to the world of Karate. This is the switch that shifts ‘outside world Eva’ into ‘Karate Eva’.
I use this meditation to leave the outside world outside and set my intention for the Karate class. This serves to focus my attention so I can get the most out of the precious time in my Karate practice.
The beauty of this is that we can use a similar method to shift and re-set ourselves when we transition between our roles and responsibilities in life.
In each of our roles in life we need to bring something different of ourselves in order to make the most of our experience. You do not act the same around your colleagues at work as you do around your children, for example. There are different sets of qualities you need to call upon when resolving conflict at work versus an argument at home. You do not speak to your friends the same way as you would to a co-worker.
So, before your next meeting or before arriving home, or making an important call:
Pause for a minute.
Take a few deep belly breaths (keep the shoulders down and away from your ears).
Think and set your intention: Who do I need to be in this next interaction, what do I need to bring, what types of behaviours do I need to exhibit?
An example for me is the time just before I pick up my kids from school and daycare and we have to face the evening mayhem. I pause and remind myself that I want to turn up as a patient, caring compassionate parent. I also remind myself that irrespective of how I wish the evening to go, kids are kids and they will do their loud and random things regardless. As I have set that intention in advance, it is easier to recall it during the noisy chaos when I might otherwise feel tempted to yell (or collapse) with frustration.
In any given situation you may not be able to control how others behave or the outcome, but you can certainly be in control of your own attitudes and reactions. You are in charge of how you respond in the situation, and if you prepare yourself mentally in advance, you have a better chance to be the person you want to be rather than being swept away in the chaos and emotion.
Another ritual is at the conclusion of Karate lesson:
We bow to each other.
We kneel for a short meditation.
On concluding our meditation we pay respect to each other and the founder of our Karate style.
At the point of our meditation I remind my students to use those few quiet moments to reflect on the lesson that has just passed, on what they have learned, what they have improved upon, and to acknowledge their own effort and progress.
In a similar way, we can pause and reflect during our busy day upon finishing a meeting, or exiting a ‘role’.
This little but powerful set of rituals on reflecting on our previous interaction or activity and setting our intention for the next thing can be our ‘re-set button’, our mental buffer as we move from one activity or interaction to another.